The Infidel

Posted in Uncategorized on July 21, 2008 by jordanstjames

“Honey I really wish you weren’t going out tonight.  I have a really nice dinner planned for us.  All your favorites: Shrimp and Lobster, with steamed broccoli and a nice white Chardonnay that I picked up today.”

“I know baby, but I promised Stacey that I would meet her tonight so we could go over the plans for our charity benefit next week.”

“Well can’t you do that over the phone?”

“I wish I could, but we have to go look over samples and stuff, you know how hectic this is.  We go through it every year.”

“Yeah I know, but couldn’t you get one of your other sorority sisters to meet with Stacey tonight, I mean you don’t have to do everything.”

“I can’t depend on those bitches to do anything but party and bask in the enjoyment of my hard work.  You know how important it is to me that everything go right with this.  I mean if I leave it up to them, then nothing would ever get done.”

“I hear you. Hey do you want me to jump in there with you, I could wash your back.”

“No that’s okay, I am really in a hurry, I know Stacey is wondering where I am.”

“Call me if you change your mind.”

            Milton thought that he was the luckiest man in the world because he was able to bag the immaculate Maxie Sumpter.  She was the biggest star to hit stage and screen since Mrs. Marilyn Monroe.  She was beautiful, sexy, erotic, everything a man could want in a woman; five feet, eleven inches, long blonde hair, beautiful blue eyes, perfectly tanned skin, a perfect hour glass figure and a smile that could cause any man to clean out his bank account with the slight curl of her lips, not to mention breasts that could hide a midget between them.  Milton had named them Madonna and Demi, they were worth the money, able to attract young men, and looked damn good for their age.  She had won an Oscar for best actress for her recent film, “Slay Me, A Stripper’s Story” where she portrayed a stripper who went from stripping to porn and was infected with HIV while doing one of her flicks, and then struggles in a legal battle with the film company.  Critics proclaimed it to be the best film ever.

            Milton just hung on for the ride. He was very attractive, six feet, four inches, athletic build, perfect white teeth, dark smooth skin, and most importantly to Maxie, he was hung.  On paper he was her personal assistant, but technically he was her trophy husband that escorted her around to different affairs and photo ops.  In the beginning everything was beautiful.  They had met at Maxie’s agent’s office.  Milton was an aspiring model and he was looking for an agent.  Maxie fell in love with him from the beginning.  At first she was reluctant to approach him, she had never thought of dating a black guy before, though she did have the occasional notion to want to have one bang her into submission; and although he gave her a look of seduction while in her agent’s office, she was still hesitant.  What would the media make of this; especially since she was just getting started in her career?

            Needless to say he approached her and they immediately hit it off.  At first it was just a sexual thing, but soon they began to develop feelings for each other and the next year on the spur of the moment they flew to Jamaica and got married.  Now just a few years later they were growing apart.  The sex had gotten boring; it was just so much pounding she could take, and just so much he could give.  They tried role-playing, but how much fun is that for someone who acts on a daily basis.  Plus Maxie was gone most of the time, even when she wasn’t working on a movie; she was doing something with her friends, or sorority sisters.

            Maxie got out of the shower, dried off quickly and slid on her black lace boy shorts and gathered Madonna and Demi in matching bra, then quickly put on a pair of apple bottom jeans, a white tank top and her black Jimmy Chu high-heeled sandals.  She threw her hair back in a pony tail, sprayed on her Chanel perfume, gathered her things and began to head out of the house.

“Honey, if possible could you take Chuey out for a walk and call the doorman and tell him to pull the car around for me so I won’t have to deal with anybody when I get downstairs?”

“Sure dear, what time do you think you will be back?”

“Oh I don’t know, I may be a couple of hours at most.  You know how Stacey is.”

“Yeah, well I will keep dinner on for you.”

“Thanks babe, I love you.”

“I love you too.”

            Maxie sprinted out of the door without even a kiss good-bye.  Milton called the doorman as she asked him too and then grabbed Chuey, placed his leash on him and proceeded to head down the elevator of their penthouse apartment building.  When he reached the front door, the doorman quickly opened it with a smile,

“Good evening Mr. Sumpter how are you this evening?”

            Milton hated that everybody called him Mr. Sumpter.  They knew that, that was Maxie’s last name, but the ongoing joke was that he took her last name since she wore the pants in the relationship.  She was always speaking for him and he played the role of being seen and not heard very well.  So he always answered to Mr. Sumpter, regardless of how much it burned him up inside.

“Doing just fine, taking Chuey for a walk.”

“Well you better hurry, it looks like rain.”

“I see, I didn’t even take the opportunity to look outside, well c’mon on Chuey before we get soaked.”

“You know Chuey, I always thought you were the bitch, but I’m sorry that I mistook you for Maxie.  She is the biggest bitch.  How dare she make me take her last name.  Why do I even stay with her?  Yeah I know, she’s rich, beautiful and popular.  All I have to do is smile and look good and I’m set for life.  I mean how many men can say that they lay next to Maxie Sumpter on a regular basis?”

            Chuey just looked up at Milton with a bewildered look on his face.  He replied with a light whimper and then lifted his leg to relieve himself on the wheel of 2008 black Mercedes CLK.  After Chuey had finished his business, Milton hurried back home before the storm hit.  The sky had gotten completely dark and it was beginning to smell like rain.  He laughed at how his country bumpkin cousins use to say that they could smell the rain coming.  He often wondered what the hell did rain smell like.  Oh well, today was the first day that he had actually woken up and smelled the rain.  When he was back in the apartment, he decided to finish making the meal that he promised Maxie.  He turned on Jill Scott’s newest CD and went straight to track five, “Just Running Cross My Mind.”  He sang softly to Jill’s melodic voice, while thinking about Maxie and wondering if she would be home early enough to enjoy the feast that he had prepared for her.  By the time Jill was so eloquently saying, “how amazing….how amazing, when you would spread, my limbs cross continents and prop our bed…” he was in desperate need of affection from Maxie. 

            He decided to call her cell phone to tell her how much he missed her.  Yeah they were having problems, but Jill could cause you to want to be intimate no matter the situation.  Besides he was still attracted to her and he definitely loved her, it was Maxie who seemed to be bored. 

            As the phone rang, Fergie began to sing, “What you gonna do with all that junk all that junk inside your trunk my hump, my hump, my hump…”  Maxie turned to see who was calling and realized it was Milton.

“Oh what the hell does he want now?  He can never give me a moment alone.  I told him that I was going to be with Stacey and that we were going to be busy.”

“Baby, forget him, I’m what you need to be paying attention to right now.”

“Oh and don’t I know it.”

            Maxie ignored the call of Milton and turned her attention back to Charles.  Charles was a new model that her agent was representing.  She had met him the other day and fell in love with his tall dark frame, and great smile almost as instantly as she had fallen for Milton.  Except in this case she didn’t wait for him to approach her, she went straight for him.  She invited him out for a drink and before they could get in the limo good she was all over him.  He knew what she wanted and he was more than happy to oblige. 

            After over four hours of aggressive slaying from Charles, Maxie gathered her things and headed home, her body still hot and sweaty from the fuck fest that she had just encountered.  Charles’ duty was to be her play toy.  She would keep him decked in the finest suits, jewelry, and a nice car, as long as he played his role, remaining quiet and erect. 

            Maxie placed the keys into the door of her penthouse and to her surprise she found the house dark and lit only by candles strategically placed throughout the room.  Neyo’s “So Sick” echoed throughout the apartment and the table in front of the fireplace was decorated with rose petals and in the middle was a bottle of Cristal, and two wine glasses already partially filled with wine.  She smiled, surprised and feeling guilty after seeing the romantic gesture that Milton had prepared.  She grabbed one of the glasses of wine and gulped down the wine in one swig.  Still thirsty from her previous escapade, she quickly gulped down the other glass of wine and poured herself a few more glasses.


            There was no answer.  She called him again and still she only heard the rain and thunder that had just begun outside.  Chuey ran up to Maxie and propped up on her leg.

“Hey Chuey, where’s Mr. Sumpter?”

            Chuey only gave her a light whimper and ran off.  Maxie figured that Milton must be in the room asleep.  She went into the kitchen and saw that he had left out the lobster and shrimp for her.  She nibbled on a piece of the shrimp and headed for the bedroom.  To her surprise the bed was empty.  “Where the hell is he,” she thought. She went in the bathroom and saw that he had ran her a nice bath and had rose petals floating on the water.  Just then Neyo stopped singing and she heard Milton’s voice echoing throughout the house:

“Hello Bitch, oh I’m sorry honey.  You are probably wondering where the hell I am and why you are listening to me on the stereo.  I bet you didn’t even know I knew how to work this thing.  All you knew was that I could fuck and smile when I had to. I was your puppet, hell I even took your last name. I did everything you told me to but no more. I’m gone. Get somebody else to play the human dildo; somebody like Charles.  He seems to be good at that.  Oh you didn’t think I knew who Charles was did you?  Yeah I know about that mutherfucker.  I know that you have been fucking him when you are supposed to be with your sorority sisters.  You know you must learn to answer you phone when somebody calls you, especially when the automatic answer is turned on and your blue tooth is next to it.  Yeah that’s right; I turned the auto answer on while you were in the shower.  So when I called you earlier I heard you tell Charles that I never gave you the time alone. I heard him slaying you like the whore that you are.  And I was pissed at first but as I poured your wine and prepared your shrimp I quickly got over it.  Oh I forgot to mention that as you are listening to this poison is running through your body.  Don’t be alarmed I left the antidote for you.  Now where did I put it?  Hmmm, oh yeah I remember, I gave it to Charles.  I think he spread it over his, what did you call it, Almond Joy?  So you should be fine, since you probably got it all in your system.  How could you do this to me?  I was your everything and you thought you could play me because you are the great Maxie Sumpter?  Is that it?  Well I hope you can act your way out of this one.”

            Maxie’s heart rate sped up to the point that she almost passed out.  This muther fucker poisoned me, she thought.  She raced through the apartment panicking, not knowing when she would drop dead.  She picked up the phone to call the police, but when she picked up the phone all she could hear was a light whimper. 


“Hey bitch! I got your dog.”

“What the hell is wrong with you? I can’t believe you poisoned me?”

“You are stupid, that wine wasn’t poisoned.”

“What? Are you shitting me?”

“No, I wouldn’t do that to you, even though you played me.”

“Baby I am so sorry but you know the pressures of Hollywood.”

“Yeah I do.”

            At that moment Maxie dropped to her knees, choking and gasping for air.  She began to vomit blood and gagging.

“Oh I see my virus is taking effect.”

“What virus, you said you didn’t poison the wine.”

“I didn’t, I poisoned Chuey. See I brought this nice little airborne poison from your friend Charles. You know Charles, Mr. Almond Joy.  We’ve been planning this for a while, Charles is really good for more than slaying, well actually he is good for slaying.  We concocted this little plan; all he had to do was seduce you.  First he infected himself with part of the poison, which was given to you through his semen, told you about condoms and swallowing.  And the rest was up to Chuey, all he had to do was breathe on you to complete the virus. Oh and don’t worry it’s undetectable, it will just seem like you overdosed on opium. You messed with the wrong one.” 

            The final stages of the poison took effect on Maxie and as she fell dead on the couch, covered in her own blood she could hear Milton laughing in the background.  Milton hung up the phone, turned and put his arms around Charles as the fell asleep with Chuey at the foot of the bed.



The Date

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , on July 21, 2008 by jordanstjames


“What’s up Rick, Thomas and I are going bar hopping tonight and was wondering if you would like to come?”

“No that’s okay, I have other plans.”

“What?  Are you sure, tonight’s ladies night at some of the clubs and there are going to be a lot of hot, horny women looking for a good drunk fuck.”

“I know, and that sounds like it’s going to be great affair and all but I have a date.”
“Come on Rick, every time Thomas and I ask you to go out with us you always use the same excuse about having a date, but we never see you with anybody.  So who is this girl?”


Thomas and Steve were the biggest assholes at the law firm of Williams, Williams, and Jackson.  All they cared about was how many girls they could slay in their den and then brag about later.  Rick hated being around them.  He only tolerated them because they were the sons of two of the partners of the firm and he wanted to have an inside connection when a partnership came along.

“Oh nobody you know Steve.  She’s just a girl I met at the gym last night and we are going to be keeping each other company.”

“Well you plan on getting some?”

“Come on Steve is that all you think about?”

“Hell yeah, there’s nothing better than some pussy except some new pussy.”

Steve was always quoting lines from movies.  If he wasn’t doing that then he was trying to impress somebody with his knowledge of sports.


“Well if you must know I am not the type for one night stands, besides I wouldn’t know what to do anyway.  I am more of the romantic type.”

“ROMANCE?  Are you shitting me?  Look here is what you do.  You get her to go back to her place and while you are watching television or whatever you mention to her that she looks tense.  Then you proceed to tell her that you are an expert at giving massages.  Women love that shit, especially when a man wants to cater to them.  They eat it up.  Next, you get her to sit down and you gently massage her shoulders and neck.  You can tell from how she reacts to the massage if she is down for it or not.  If she just goes with the flow and allows you to move her hair to the side and stroke her neck seductively then you got her.  Especially if she moans and says how good it feels than you are a sure in.”

“I don’t know Steve.”

“Are you gay man?”

“No, I am just not that aggressive.  Plus I don’t know anything about massages.”

“Look you don’t have to, just rub gently with a little force to relieve some of the so called ‘tension’ she has.  Then after a while ask her if she wants to lay across your lap and then you are in.  If she does then just lift up the back of her shirt and start running your fingers down the middle of her back.  Women love that shit too.  Her reactions should sway you in the right direction.  If she goes for that then bend over and gently kiss her neck while you rub it.  If she giggles dawg I’m telling you, it’s on.  From there it’s just the matter of maneuvering her out of her bra and getting to her bare back.  Then you can test the waters some more by reaching under and feeling her breast, and rubbing her ass like it’s part of the massage.  Shit the next thing you know you’ll be flipped over with tits in your face.”

“I don’t know, we’ll see Steve.  Thanks for the advice, but I think I’ll play it safe with dinner and a movie.”

“Suit yourself.”

            As Rick walked away he began to get anxious about his date.  Rick was a young corporate lawyer at the firm, 25-years-old, fresh out of law school and with a great future ahead of him.  He had graduated top of class from Harvard Law and was sought out by several prestigious law firms.  He was six feet, two inches, slim and very nice looking.  His dark complexion would drive women nuts, he had many invitations, but he wasn’t interested in them at all.

  Although he often lied about his nightly escapades to escape going out with Thomas and Steve, tonight he really had a date.  It was his first in about a month.  Her name was Cynthia Parker.  He had met her the previous night at his gym, as he had told Steve, and they connected immediately.  She was around five foot, two inches, long hair that gently graced her back, with a perfectly toned athletic body.  Their eyes met suddenly while he was bench pressing and got stuck without a spotter.  Cynthia quickly ran over and snatched the 45-pound bar off his chest and helped him up.

“Are you alright?”

“Yeah, thanks for the help.”

“It’s okay, you should really get a spotter or use the machines if you are working alone.”

“I know, but I was just warming up and I started choking and the bar just slammed down on me.”

“Well if you need any help just call, I’ll be over on the incline.”


            He was so embarrassed.  Not only had he gotten stuck with a 45-pound bar, but the most beautiful woman in the gym had to come and help him.  To make matters worse she did it with only one hand.  He was reluctant to even look in her direction, let alone talk to her again, so he made a beeline for the front door as quickly as his 175-pound frame could carry him.

“Hey what’s your hurry, I know you are not finished already?  You were just warming up.”

“Huh, you talking to me?”

“Yeah. I’m Cynthia.”


            They had a wonderful conversation.  Soon she started to complain of chest pains and decided that she should go home and lie down.  Rick insisted that she give him her number so he could check on her later and she did.  When Rick had gotten home he immediately called her to see if she was feeling better.  When he saw that she was, he sparked up more conversation and they talked for a few more minutes and then made plans to go out.

            Rick hurried home, showered and put on his best suit.  An all black Ralph Lauren ensemble with black square fronts, a red shirt and a black and red striped tie to match.  He was sharp and ready for Cynthia.  She would die when she saw him.  The suit hid his normally scrawny frame perfectly, giving him a little build in the shoulder area. 

            He slid into his black 2008 CLK Benz and drove off into the night to meet Cynthia.  When he arrived at her place there was a note on the door that read, “please come in the door is open.”  Shocked that she would leave such a note not knowing what weirdo could have seen it, he knocked gently and made his way into her penthouse apartment.  It was beautiful, decorated with various arts and crafts, Italian leather sofas, a sixty-inch flat screen and a gorgeous view of Columbia. 


            Rick called for Cynthia again, but she did not answer.  He looked across the dimly lit apartment and saw one of the doors barely opened and what appeared to be candles flickering in the background.  He called for her again as he walked closer to the door.

“Hello? Cynthia?”

“Come on in Rick.”

            He pushed the door open to find Cynthia covered in nothing but some white bed linen.  She had her hair down and it wrapped around her face as if to hide the devilish smile she had when she saw him.

“What’s all this?”

“Oh, I just wanted to help you get in some extra reps since you had to cut your gym time short last night.”

“Oh about that, well…”

“Well what?  Don’t you like what you see?”

            At that instant she flung off the sheet to reveal her naked, perfectly toned body.  Rick quickly put his hands over his crotch to cover the immediate erection he had.  She was beautiful.  Her breasts were at least double D’s and real, you could tell how they hung just right.  Her stomach was flat, and her vagina was completely shaven.  Her toes were painted red and all Rick could do was stand in awe.  She motioned for him to come over and he slowly walked towards his angel in the flesh. 

            At first he just stood over her admiring God’s handy work.  Oh and he did work in mysterious ways when he made her.  He rubbed his fingers through her hair, then down the middle of her face, over her nose, across her plump lips, down her throat to the middle of her breast.  He rubbed each breast gently as if they would break under pressure.  He caressed her flat stomach, and she tensed up as his gentle touch tickled her a little. Next he slid his fingers down to her paradise of perfection, but stopped, not wanting to seem like an eager teenage boy with raging hormones.  He walked to the edge of the bed and lifted her right leg.  He slowly sucked on each of her perfectly pedicured toes, next the left foot.

“So are you just gonna tease me or slay me?”

            Rick smiled and without removing any part of his suit, slowly climbed on top of her.  He nibbled on each of her breast nervously.  The cool night air mixed with the moistness from his tongue caused her nipples to become erect and feel like small ice cubes in his mouth, and her body to shiver as he lay across her.

“Don’t worry baby, I’ll get you warm.”

“Mmmm. Let’s see.”

 He continued to admire her beauty, as he seductively slid down the middle of her body with his tongue. 

“You’re so beautiful.  So beautiful, and you are all mine. I’m going to love you and take care of you like nobody can.  You smell so good, you taste so good.  I can’t wait to get inside of you.”

“Come on baby.”


            Bobby the night watchman had been warned about these guys but had never thought he’d see one.  They were men who would sneak into the morgue and try to have sex with the dead bodies.  There had been several of these Necros on the prowl lately and Bobby had finally caught one.  He snatched Rick in the forward nelson and slammed him to the ground.


            His partner quickly answered his call and they grabbed Rick and threw him into the trash out back.


            Rick collected himself and smiled.  Yeah that’s the way it went sometimes.  He had seen her come into the hospital last night, heart attack they said, and so young too, tragedy.  She was beautiful, and he had to have her.  He had been with Margaret last night and caught glimpse of her on his way out.  She called for him and he had to answer. 

“Maybe it wasn’t meant to be my love, until next we meet. I bid thee farewell.”

            He climbed back into his CLK and drove home, fantasizing about his angel in the flesh. He got home, took a shower, put out his suit for the next day, and prepared his briefs for court as he watched his re-runs of Six Feet Under.